


drivers license

by 94moontown



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Fiction, Heartbreak, Huang Ren Jun & Zhong Chen Le Are Best Friends, I Made Myself Cry, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Sorry Huang Ren Jun, M/M, Mark Is Sorry, Mentioned Jung Sungchan, Mentioned Na Jaemin, Mentioned Osaki Shotaro, Mentioned Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Mentioned Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Mentioned Zhong Chen Le, Sad Huang Ren Jun, Self-Indulgent, Songfic, implied markhyuck, inspired by olivia rodrigo’s driver’s license, minor fluff, no beta we die like men, past markren, renjun is sad and so am i, stream!, there’s a few humorous moments, well kind of angsty ending but kind of bittersweet??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/94moontown/pseuds/94moontown
Summary: "'cause you said forever, now i drive alone past your street."renjun is twenty-one when he gets his driver's license.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	drivers license

[2007]

renjun is seven when he dreams of getting his driver's license.

his desire to get his driver's license doesn't have a meaningful backstory. it had started when he was seated before his television, watching in awe as power rangers turbo played on his screen, chinese subtitles appearing at the bottom of the screen every few frames. he can faintly recall pointing at the sleek cars that came in sight, marveling to his mother about how cool the power rangers were and how he too wanted to drive a car like that.

his mother, who he recalls had been on the phone with her friend at the time, simply smiles at little renjun, whose eyes seemed to sparkle with admiration. "if you want to drive a car like that, you'll need to get your driver's license and have money," she answers.

as a child, renjun prided himself in being more mature than others his age, but at the end of the day he was still a child who greatly admired power rangers and wanted to be just like them, as did many his age. "i have money, māmā! but..." his eyes wander down as he pouts, thinking hard. "i don't have a license! how can i be like the power rangers?" he asks.

his mother laughs at her son's comment. what money did little renjun have? "you can get your permit when you turn fifteen, and from there you can get your license if you pass the test," she explains. before renjun could say anything else, she stands up and walks towards the kitchen, continuing her conversation with her friend in rapid mandarin, leaving renjun to sit cross-legged in front of the television. behind him, an explosion sounds, but little renjun seemed too engrossed with his plan to be like the power rangers to pay attention.

from then on, seven-year-old renjun became determined to earn a driver's license to get one step closer to being like the power rangers, his lifelong idols. he had no clue what a license even was during that time, but that didn't stop him from fantasizing.

⋯ ♥ ⋯

[2015]

renjun is fifteen when he meets mark lee.

by the time renjun had turned eleven, his love for power rangers gradually began to fade as he entered puberty (though he still admits that some of the shows were classics, like power rangers time force or power rangers ninja storm), instead becoming more drawn to art and anime. however, his desire to get a driver's license was still there, and as he grew older, he had begin to develop a plan to celebrate when he finally got his driver's license. though he was of age, renjun wasn't sure if he had the time to even get his permit, having to juggle both schoolwork and several extracurricular activities. plus, his parents' current priorities were for him to pass all of his classes with an a and maintain his extracurricular activities. having him get his permit didn't land very high on their current priorities.

he had discussed his plan with his best friend, chenle. when he got his permit and eventually his license, he would pick up chenle from his house and drive to an expensive hot pot restaurant and eat to their hearts' content. then the two would drive to a nice bubble tea shop and get boba before concluding the night by driving laps around an empty parking lot to celebrate his ability to drive. chenle was ecstatic, probably relieved to have someone that could drive him around that weren't his parents since his older brother was still in china.

on the other hand, his friends were indifferent towards his plan. while they also wanted to get their driver's license, they thought it was strange to treat a driver's license so extravagantly as if obtaining it was comparable to getting a dream job. of course, they meant no harm with their thoughts, but sometimes renjun would feel embarrassed about the stark contrast between his reaction to getting a license and his friends'.

then he met mark lee.

on a sunny spring day, renjun had been sitting on the floor, back against a row of lockers as he read his chinese novel. for lunch, he and his friends would always gather and sit on the floor across the cafeteria on the first floor since the cafeteria didn't have enough seats for everyone. he had arrived earlier than his friends, since his second-period class was right on the first floor.

suddenly, a loud thud echoes across the hallway, startling renjun. he drops his novel on the ground and shrieks, eyes wide in surprise. he can hear a familiar voice snickering above him, and he pouts, swiping up his fallen book. when he looks up, he isn't surprised to see his friend jeno, a mischievous smirk plastered on his face. what _does_ surprise him is the unknown boy attached to his arm, who is looking everywhere except at him.

"what the fuck was that for?" renjun hisses, glaring at jeno.

jeno hums, unfazed by renjun's glare. he plops down onto the floor, leaving the unknown boy to stand by himself. "you didn't notice me, so i did something about it," he shrugs. renjun rolls his eyes, though his gaze is quickly drawn onto the mystery boy. judging by his shy demeanor and the awkward shuffling, renjun guesses he's a new student.

jeno seems to notice renjun's curious eyes, because he pats the empty spot beside him. "junnie, this is my friend, mark lee. he's from canada, and he’s sixteen. hyung, this is huang renjun. he’s from china.” renjun is surprised upon hearing that mark is older than him, probably because his glasses make him look more innocent.

mark trains his eyes towards renjun and softens his gaze. "hi, i'm mark bee. i mean! mark lee. i'm not an insect," he awkwardly laughs. renjun is unimpressed. jeno looks mortified.

”oh. hi hyung,” renjun politely greets. he finds his introduction amusing - after all, who messes up their own last name? his reddening cheeks makes renjun smile in amusement.

an awkward silence hangs among the two, though jeno seems indifferent, sliding out his lunchbox from his backpack. renjun doesn’t know what else to say - he’s horrible with new people! unsure of what to do, he slowly pulls up his chinese novel.

his plans don’t go the way he wants, though, because suddenly mark slams his palms onto the ground, startling him and jeno. renjun drops his novel for the second time, which makes him grumble in frustration. his bookmark had fallen out, meaning he had lost the page he was on. on the other hand, jeno nearly chokes on a strand of japchae, spluttering hysterically as he attempts to save himself.

renjun turns his attention to mark, who’s face has undoubtedly matched the color of a tomato. before he can say anything, mark splutters, “i think you’re really pretty and i’d like to get to know you better!!”

it’s as if the whole hallway falls silent at mark’s outburst, and suddenly renjun feels the desire to let the floor swallow him whole. he can feel his face warming and can still hear jeno aggressively coughing, though he isn’t sure if it’s because of the japchae lodged in his esophagus or mark’s sudden proclamation. mark looks as unfazed as he can get considering how nearly everyone in the hallway has heard what he thinks of renjun.

”...oh. thank you?” renjun reluctantly thanks. his face is warm, and he isn’t sure if it’s because he’s embarrassed or flattered.

mark doesn’t seem to pay much attention to renjun’s hesitance and instead goes back to pulling out his lunch like nothing happened, humming to a familiar justin bieber song. he glances at jeno, who gives him a look that screams ‘ _we are totally talking about this later_.’

fifteen-year-old renjun decides that he wants to learn more about mark lee, considering how strange ~~and shameless~~ he is.

⋯ ♥ ⋯

[2016]

renjun is sixteen when he falls in love.

after his first interaction with mark, he somehow found himself developing a close bond with him. it surprised him seeing how fast they were able to click; it took him a year and a half for him to be comfortable around his friend jaemin, who he had met when he was thirteen.

as soon as they established a friendship, renjun realized that he shared several similarities with mark. they both shared a love for felines and music, and they both understood the yearning feeling of being back in their respective homelands.

renjun starts viewing him as a best friend. chenle thinks renjun is in love with mark.

he can recall having several playful arguments with him, denying any affections that were more than platonic. he had only met mark a year ago, and to fall in love with him already? how absurd! yet chenle would always give him a knowing smirk, the one that has renjun glaring daggers at, and drone on about how he treats mark differently from their friends.

(as much as renjun wants to argue with that, he can't. he may be stubborn, but he isn't _blind_.)

there is something so oddly endearing about mark that has renjun drawn towards him. there's his strange passion for watermelons... his burning hatred towards ketchup... his happiness anytime he sees a small animal... his dedication to music and the little songs he jots down in his worn-out leather notebook... it's these things that makes renjun wonder how can someone be so innocent? plus, he doesn't make him feel stupid for his celebratory plan for getting his license.

he teases all of his friends the same, but when it comes to treating them, he probably treats mark better than all of his friends. he isn't clingy, but finds himself throwing his body at mark at any given opportunity. he isn't affectionate, but he teasingly puckers his lips at mark, which has the older boy screaming in embarrassment.

renjun thinks it's because mark's reactions are cute. his friends think it's because he's in love with mark.

"you know, you always talk about how we should celebrate when i get my license, but when will you get yours?" renjun asks one spring afternoon, twirling a curly strand of mark's hair.

the two were lying on mark's bed, lying beside each other. the sweltering sun beats down on the two; it's a good thing the air conditioner was on, otherwise renjun thinks he would have melted into a human puddle.

mark hums, eyes closed in contentment. "a license would be nice, but it's not that important to me right now. i have to deal with college and scholarship stuff first," he responds.

at the mention of college, renjun's finger stops twirling, and he bites his lip. ' _right, college. he's graduating next june..._ ' he thinks to himself.

it's like mark seems to know whenever renjun feels distraught because he scoots closer to renjun. "you don't need to worry about me going off to college. i think i'll stay here in seoul unless i get another opportunity."

renjun rolls his eyes. "your priority should be going to a school that brings out your best potential, not staying close by just because some of your friends will miss you," he grumbles.

"are you among some of these friends, then? will you miss me?" he cheekily asks. he puckers his lips at renjun, which are quickly met with a palm shoved in his face.

"you're insufferable," renjun sighs, though mentally he answers yes. "have you thought about which schools you want to apply for?" he asks.

"i think i'm going to aim for snu, but we'll see if any more options open up," he answers.

renjun nods. "it's a pretty good place to aim for."

it's silent for a few momets, and renjun decides to go back to twirling mark's hair before mark speaks up. "you know, since i'll be too busy with applying for college, i'll need someone to drive me places..." he shoots renjun a knowing grin. "so what do you say, junnie?"

renjun gives him an incredulous look. "i haven't even gotten my permit yet. why don't you ask someone that can actually drive, like johnny-hyung or jaehyun-hyung?" he asks.

mark pouts. "but i want you to drive me places~ it'll be more fun if it's the two of us! plus, i just know that you'll pass the test on your first try."

"isn't it supposed to be the older person that drives the younger one to places, not the other way around?" renjun asks with a chuckle. mark sticks his tongue out, which only elicits more laughter from renjun. "sometimes i forget you're older than me."

a comfortable silence drapes the room, and renjun removes his hands from mark's hair and lays them atop his eyes to shield the blinding sunlight. he hums to ' _love yourself_ ' by justin bieber, a song that he and mark would play on repeat. he softly smiles as he recalls mark calling it "their song." how silly was that? yet despite wanting to laugh, he was stopped by his friend's genuine giddiness. thus, ' _love yourself_ ' by justin bieber became their song for every occasion. 

"hey junnie, how are you going to celebrate getting your license again?" mark asks, breaking the silence.

renjun removes his hands and sits up, sighing. "how many times have we even talked about this? i'm planning on picking up chenle from his house, then we're going to drive up to an expensive hotpot restaurant and get stuffed. we're probably going to get boba, too, and then head to an empty parking lot and take victory laps," he announces as if he had it memorized from a script. "why do you ask?"

when renjun turns his head to the side, he doesn't expect to see mark sitting up beside him and sheepishly looking away, twiddling his fingers. "well... once you get your license, maybe i can also take you out for food...? and then drinks, too, if you'd like..." he mumbles, the tips of his ears turning red.

"oh, do you want to join me and chenle? sure, i don't think he'd-"

"no!" mark exclaims, eyes wide. his outburst surprises renjun, who looks at him with curious eyes. "i mean... maybe on a separate occasion? one with just the two of us..."

it all suddenly clicks for renjun, and he smirks. "mark lee, are you trying to ask me out on a date?" he asks with a laugh.

the room falls silent, and renjun starts to think perhaps he was looking too deeply into this. he's about to take back his words when mark shyly nods. it's a small gesture, but it's one that has renjun's stomach doing flips. renjun laughs, and he scoots closer to mark until their shoulders are touching. the interaction makes mark flinch, but renjun pays no mind to it. "you know, you don't need to wait until i get my license to ask me out, since i don't think i'll get it until a year or two. why don't you just ask now?" he asks, humming. he can feel mark flush beside him, and he resists the urge to laugh. mark was never the suave, confident older brother figure, but renjun sure didn't expect him to become such a babbling mess beside him.

"oh, okay... huang renjun, will you go out on a date with me? and then when you get your license i'll treat you to all of the food in the world..." mark shyly trails off. his face has turned a fierce shade of red, and renjun suddenly recalls the first time he met him.

"sure, mark lee. does this count as a date, then?" he asks, gesturing at the room before them. he had gone over to mark's house to study together, so does this make this a study date?

mark furiously shakes his head, and renjun thinks his head will snap if he continues shaking it like a dog drying itself off. "no! no. let's go on a real date... like, how about i take you to the noodle house near here?" he asks.

renjun smiles, and he loops his arm around mark's. as if it wasn't enough, mark's face flushes even more, and renjun thinks he's going to explode. "then let's get going. your treat!"

mark is too flushed and too happy to deny renjun's request.

"wait. does this mean we're boyfriends now?" mark asks.

renjun hums, tying his sneakers. "i'm still kind of new to this dating thing, so i guess? i mean, we can always wait to put labels... i don't really know," he admits. "look at us, a sixteen-year-old and a seventeen-year-old with no clue about dating."

"then, we're like... dating, but not boyfriends."

"only if you want it to be like that."

mark shoots out the door, nearly tripping on a step from the porch. "i'll wait and ask you to be my boyfriend when i actually know what i'm doing!" he yells from the bottom of the steps.

renjun can only laugh.

"hey, hyung?"

"yeah?"

"what do you say we try getting our license together?" renjun asks. "i'll still celebrate with chenle and all, but i think getting it at the same time is more meaningful than a celebration, don't you think?"

mark's grin widens, and he reaches to intertwine their fingers. "i'd like that very much!"

sixteen-year-old renjun has no idea what it's like to date someone, but he thinks he might be in love with mark lee.

⋯ ♥ ⋯

[2017 - 2019]

renjun is nearly seventeen when mark officially asks him to be his boyfriend. from there on, everything is a blur, like a smudged painting.

he doesn't have any recollection of what happened. or maybe he does, but thinks it's best to forget them. either way, he knows that he was happy and doesn't regret it.

⋯ ♥ ⋯

[2020]

renjun is twenty when he experiences his first heartbreak.

in all honesty, renjun should have seen this coming. the moment he found himself coming up with several excuses to his friends when asked why he was spending the night with them and not his boyfriend, the future already seemed inevitable.

it wasn't that he or mark hated each other. renjun likes to think that mark did love him, and that he loved mark - no, _loves_ mark. but having known him since he was fifteen, renjun can tell that things aren't the same anymore. mark's smiles aren't as wide as they used to be, and the stars in his eyes have dulled. the songs dedicated to him in his worn-out leather notebook have begin to diminish, and mark stopped bringing up their plan to get their license together. renjun thinks it's ironic how the two had ended up attending the same university, yet he feels so distant, like he can barely see mark beyond the horizon.

yet despite all of the signs, renjun, like the fool he is, chooses to remain hopeful. perhaps he's reading too much into the situation. perhaps nothing has changed.

it leads to his downfall. hope is such a cruel beast.

even now, as renjun stands before a crying mark, he still remains hopeful. he can feel a dull laughter bubble in his throat, and he wants to laugh at how stupid he is.

"i'm sorry," mark repeats like a mantra, his body shaking. his usual starry eyes are teary and clear, like looking at a reflection in a clear pond.

renjun lets the laugh leave his throat, but it comes out far from happy. he laughs a little louder, trying to dull the sound of his heart breaking. "what are you sorry for?" he calmly asks, though he already knows the answer.

mark hesitates and sniffles, wiping the tears from his eyes. on any other day, renjun would have walked straight to the older and wrapped his arms around him and sing their song together. and even when mark wants to break up with him, he still feels the itch in his fingers, to have them wrap around mark's shoulders. but he can't do that. not anymore.

(mark hasn't finalized anything. he can still take his words back. they can still go back to how they were.)

"i don't love you anymore."

there it is. renjun's eye twitches.

mark cries even harder, and renjun wants to yell at him. _he's_ the one who fell out of love. _he's_ the one breaking renjun's heart right now. _he's_ the one who broke their promise they made when they were foolish teenagers. what right does he have, crying in front of renjun? "junnie-"

renjun laughs. it comes out harsh. "that's renjun for you."

streams of tears roll down mark's cheeks and he grimaces. they're too distant. "renjun... don't make this harder for me."

and then renjun snaps, abruptly standing up from the stool by the counter. "oh, _i'm_ making this harder for you? says the one who decides to drop in and tell me he doesn't love me anymore!" he yells. his eye is twitching more, but renjun refuses to cry. not in front of mark, at least.

"would you rather i lie to you forever?! keep up this facade?! things have changed, and you know that!!" mark retorts, angrily wiping his tears. renjun is taken aback, but he remains silent because mark is right, like he always is. "you're sitting there, laughing like you're okay, but i know you're not. i want you to tell me that you hate me and that you don't ever want to see me again, so it's easier on both of us," he whimpers, voice softening.

"but i don't." renjun's voice comes out choked, which surprises mark. he whimpers when he looks at renjun, who has tears brimming his eyes. "i don't hate you. i still love you, you idiot. well, i'm the idiot, considering how i'm still in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings anymore," he laughs, wiping his eyes. "i'd be lying to you and me if i said i hated you, wouldn't i?"

mark takes a step closer to him. renjun takes a step back.

a suffocating silence fills every corner of the room. the only sounds that could be heard were mark's sobs and renjun's heavy breathing. the food that renjun had prepared had gone cold.

"who is it?"

mark's head snaps up. "what?"

"who's the lucky one?" renjun softly asks, eyes glued to his socks. they were a pair of socks that had little moomin designs on it. mark had gifted it to him last christmas. "unless there's no one?"

from the corner of his eyes, he can see mark look away, and renjun already knows that there is someone new. "i..." he sighs. "do you know lee donghyuck? he might be better known as haechan."

renjun sharply inhales, the tears pricking the corners of his eyes. lee donghyuck, the bright and optimistic computer science major, famously known for his bubbly personality and his blonde, sun kissed hair. he knows him as one of jaemin's friends, and now that he thinks about it, he's not surprised. he pictures himself standing beside him and almost laughs. of course mark would fall for someone like donghyuck. "oh. that's cool. i mean, for you, not for me," he awkwardly laughs. he cranes his neck to look up, and instantly regrets it as soon as his eyes meet mark's pitying ones.

' _don't give me that look_ ,' he wants to yell. ' _if you think i'm so pitiful, why do this to me?_ '

"renjun, i... i love you. you're one of my best friends." mark combs a hand through his hair, the hair that renjun used to love leaving knots in. "i may not love you like you love me anymore, but i still want to be a part of your life. but..." his eyes wander to renjun's frame. "i don't have the right to make that decision. it's up to you."

the small voice in renjun's head pleads him to stay, pleads him to hold him so they can talk it out. but instead, renjun clutches onto the side of the counter and says, "i need you to leave. i need to be alone right now."

mark looks sullen, but he nods in understanding. "right. of course..." he hastily goes to pick up his things and takes one last look at a picture propped beside the television. it's a candid picture of renjun laughing at something their friend sungchan said with mark's arm wrapped endearingly around his shoulders, pressing his head against renjun's. he remembers that jaemin had taken the picture, and mark had asked him to print it out despite renjun's protests.

("hyung, why did you tell him to print the picture? i look like a clown," renjun grumbles.

mark had hummed and pressed a kiss against the younger's cheek. "you don't look like a clown, but if you were, you'd be a cute one. besides, this is my favorite picture of us! of course i'm going to have him print it out."

"is that how you flirt with people? by telling them they'd look like a cute clown?" renjun chuckles.

"only for you," mark winks. "besides, i like laughing clowns."

"no you don't."

"...okay, i don't. but you're an exception.")

mark sighs. as he slips on his sneakers, he takes one final look at renjun, who's struggling to keep the tears in. "goodbye, renjun. i'm sorry i couldn't give you the love that you deserve," he whispers, loud enough for renjun to hear. he blinks back the tears around his eyes and opens the front door.

the words " _don't go_ " and " _i love you_ " are lodged at renjun's throat, but by the time he gains the courage to say them, the door closes, and mark is gone.

the cat-shaped clock they had picked together ticks the seconds away. when a minute passes, renjun falls to his knees and cries, his heart shattering into pieces with each sob.

(mark's favorite jajangmyeon and fried chicken have gone cold. renjun can't bring himself to throw it away, so he heats it up and eats it all, each bite bringing up a memory of mark.)

twenty-year-old renjun is sitting on his kitchen counter by himself, desperately trying to fix the remains of his broken relationship.

⋯ ♥ ⋯

[2021]

renjun is twenty-one when he gets his driver's license.

luckily, renjun isn't the type of person to let a breakup affect his academics, but he feels like he encountered a stop sign, followed by several red lights and a barricade at the road.

as cliche as it sounds, renjun thinks a part of him left when mark broke up with him. for starters, justin bieber will never sound the same again, and getting his driver's license suddenly sounds dreadful. he wonders if mark ever ripped out the pages in his notebook that contained songs of him scrawled in between the lines, each page containing a small doodle of a cat in the corner. renjun thinks he should, because the lyrics are nothing but lies now. mark would have to be a true dick to gift those songs to donghyuck, especially when he can easily recite the lyrics word for word. even if their time together is over, those songs are still their’s.

his friends, especially jeno and chenle, are worried for him. he can remember the day he finally decided to join jaemin's weekly movie nights to get himself out of his slump, but he's pretty sure he spent the rest of the night crying in shotaro's arms. he can't really remember; he probably passed out from crying too much.

he knows that all of his friends are tired of his hopeless cries for mark to come back, even though they deny it. strangely enough, renjun feels sorry for _them_ , because they'll never get to know mark the way he does. there are secrets that even jeno, mark's best friend, doesn't know about.

but if there's one lesson he's taken to heart, it's that he needs to keep persevering no matter what. he doesn't think he'll ever get over mark or love someone as passionately as he loved him, but he needs to at least get past the "crying until i pass out" phase. besides, what will his parents think if they saw him so distraught over a _boy_?

(but renjun knows that mark lee isn't any boy. all of his friends know that, too, especially when they shoot him pitying looks.)

so as much as he dreads it, renjun is determined to get his driver's license. he reasons that he needs to be independent and drive himself to places, but his friends can tell that isn't the primary reason for his goal.

renjun passes his driving test on the first try, just like mark had predicted.

he's sitting in his mother's white subaru, leaning against the steering wheel. he stares at the image of himself in the small, plastic card between his fingers, keys in his other hand. his phone is on the empty passenger seat, and a message from chenle pops up. renjun is too busy staring at the card, though, scrutinizing every detail of it. the thought of it used to make him happy. now that he stares at it, he feels sorry and resentful to both the card _and_ himself.

he sighs, slipping the card into his wallet. his moomin-shaped wallet from mark had been replaced with a simple dark blue one that his friend dejun had gotten him for his birthday. he places his wallet on the dashboard and looks around. he isn't sure where he is, having driven around out of boredom, but he figures he might be somewhere by the suburbs.

home doesn't feel like home anymore, and renjun doesn't feel like heading to chenle's right now, so he inserts the keys into the ignition and decides to drive around some more.

renjun thinks he's dumb.

no, dumb is too generous. maybe idiotic or stupid... whatever he is, he certainly isn't _smart_ , because who decides to drive around and finds themselves in front of their ex's house?

since their breakup, mark had moved out of renjun's dormitory and swapped places with his friend dejun. now he lives with dejun, and mark lives with his friend yukhei. he's only ever been to yukhei's once, and that was to drop off a drunk dejun. so how in the world does he even remember his address?

renjun awkwardly shifts in his seat, his seat belt suddenly feeling too tight. he doesn't even know why he feels like the air has been sucked out of his lungs. there aren't any particular memories he has with yukhei's house, since he and mark had always spent their time together at his place. if anything, his dorm room is a melting pot of memories, so why does he feel more hurt seeing yukhei's house?

he's too occupied with his thoughts to notice yukhei's front door open. when he does, his breath hitches. there stands mark alongside donghyuck, laughing and chatting like they ruled the world.

renjun can only helplessly watch as mark escorts donghyuck to a familiar black honda civic, clueless to his dilemma; it was the car that they had picked out together. he chokes back a cry when donghyuck leans in to pepper mark's face with kisses, and suddenly renjun feels like he's run straight into a stop sign.

when renjun sees donghyuck slide into the passenger seat, he realizes- ' _he already got his license,_ ' he thinks to himself. tears brim the corners of his eyes, but this time he doesn't have anyone around to wipe them away.

and mark is still laughing like he doesn't hold the remnants of renjun's heart in his hands. when he starts walking towards the driver's seat, he abruptly stops by his trunk, wide eyes locked with renjun's teary ones. this time, he doesn't bother holding the tears back. he visibly sobs, and the pained expression on mark's face only makes him cry harder.

' _you'd think you've finished crying all of your tears out by now_ ,' he bitterly thinks to himself, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. mark is still frozen in place, and he isn't sure what to do. but renjun does, because as much as he wants to, he can't stay parked by yukhei's house forever.

as much as renjun wants to curse mark out for lying to him about being together forever, wants to curse mark out for being so okay now that they’ve parted ways, he can't bring himself to do it. he's never been able to be cruel to mark, even when he was teasing. sweet mark lee who resembles a lion cub, who writes songs about the person he's in love with, who thinks getting a driver's license is equivalent to getting the dream job. even if mark lee still holds the pieces of renjun's bleeding heart, he'd rather beg him to come back than to admit that he hates mark, because then he'd be lying to everyone and himself.

(staying together with the same person since high school forever is impossible. renjun should know better. but when it comes to mark lee, when has he ever been logical?)

mustering up the courage and willing his tears to stop, renjun smiles at mark, one that shows mark just how heartbroken he is. he's already too far gone to worry about being vulnerable anymore. "thank you for everything. i love you," he mouths.

he isn't sure if mark gets his message and doesn't bother checking. he wipes his tears away with the backs of his hands and inserts the keys into the ignition. the engine roars to life, and renjun readies himself to depart. if mark wants to say something, he doesn't, only giving renjun a forlorn look.

renjun shifts the gear shift and fixes his rear mirror. the only thing that can be heard is the low hum of the engine. he drives away from yukhei's house, leaving mark with donghyuck and pieces of his heart behind.

renjun doesn’t look back.

**Author's Note:**

> song title: driver's license - olivia rodrigo
> 
> when i read the lyrics to the song i just knew i had to make a fic of it, and what better ship to be angsty with then markren? i really like olivia rodrigo, and driver's license is such a beautiful and bittersweet song. anyways, this fic is kind of angsty... i honestly hurt myself with this one. the ending kind of made me tear up... i hope i was able to put in enough angst! maybe listening to the song will amplify the feelings hahaha
> 
> also did anyone get any of the power rangers references in here? i spent my childhood watching the franchise, and time force will always remain as a classic... no? just me?
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> ❥ twitter: dreaminjune  
> ❥ tumblr: renjuseyo


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